Friday, February 23rd
Dad part IV
mood: sad
Yesterday I told Jeff that my father had passed away. Jeff is the mailman that works to my left. He seemed surprised and said that he had noticed I had been off, but never imagined that my father had died. I was handling it so well, he said. This kind of bothered me. Shouldn't I be feeling more grief? Certainly it is true that dad's death was not unexpected. In a sense I have been grieving since before Christmas. I had been telling people, "My father will die soon." At first the phrase had a strange taste on my tongue, like an unusual dish I'd never tasted before and didn't think I liked very well. After a while it started to seem natural.
I have also had a huge amount of acid reflux issues in the couple of weeks since my father's passing. For me that is always an indicator of stress. Certainly it is true that I have been more stressed at work, but it could also be a sign of grief.
I'd like to think that I'm handling this "so well" because of my great faith in Jesus. But that doesn't seem likely. I've lost so much faith in the past few years: faith in organized religion, faith in political authority structures, faith in myself; and hopefully faith in Almighty Dollar.
I still have faith in family. Is that misplaced? Parents, sisters, brothers, and spouses all pass eventually. Jesus seems to have realized this:
He said to another man, "Follow me." But the man replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God." Still another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-by to my family." Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."
This passage is hugely disturbing on a gut level. Who should follow a man who says such cold and unfeeling things? Of course, the Religious Right has remade Jesus into this supreme champion of family values. This passage, apparently, is not a condemnation of family values, but a condemnation of the extreme practices of the near east in honoring family: mourning for a year or longer. This man's father may not even have died yet, he might "only" be nearing death.
I'm not buying it. Jesus has been remade into the champion of all supreme worldly values: Government, Religion, and especially Money. Obviously this is not the Jesus of the New Testament. For some strange reason, in the face of everything, I still have faith in the Man/God of the Christian Bible. I wonder how long that will last?
In other news, the home health nurse for my son-in-law Michael said the family should be flying in this weekend to say good-by. More news on Anya's blog.
Thursday, February 15th
Amillenialism
The event of my father's passing gave his four offspring a rare chance to gather together for more than a day or two. Consequently we were able to have some discussions deeper than the "how are you i am fine" variety. The discussions that I found most interesting were various discussions about whether birdsong was music and a discussion I had with my atheist geologist brother Matthew concerning the age of the earth (thousands or billions of years?) and the proper interpretation of the first few chapters of Genesis (literal or metaphorical?).
In the few years before Matthew went off to study geology, Andy (my other brother) and I had become quite the creation science buffs and would tell anybody who cared to listen why the earth was only thousands of years old. This weekend Matt asked me if I still believed that. I answered that I didn't, not because of the science but because my views of scripture had changed. I felt a bit at a loss to be discussing Genesis, because my main focus of study for the past few years has been at the other end of the Bible. But Revelation has some highly interesting references back to the early chapters Genesis, as it does to many other Old Testament writings.
Not too many years ago I discarded premillenial interpretation of Revelation in favor of a view called amillenialism. The particular sort of amillenialism that I espouse takes the view that Revelation uses a technique known as progressive parallelism. Premillenialists typically view Revelation as the progress of future history in one narrative: first the events of chapter 4 happen, then the events of chapter 5, and so on until the book comes to a close. However progressive parallelism views the bulk of Revelation as consisting of seven different explanations of one time period. It is as though the Revelator plays through the tape to the end, then rolls it back and plays it yet again- but each time the tape is played different information about this time period is added.
What is wierdest about this view to premillenialists is that amillenialists view the tribulation and the millenium as happening at the same time. And they are both happening right now. How can it be that the horrific events described in the tribulation accounts are occurring at the same time as the peaceful rule described in the millenial passages? This is a reasonable question, best answered by a close examination of the one passage in the Bible in which a literal thousand year period (millenium) seems to appear:
And I saw an angel coming down out of heaven, having the key to the abussos and holding in his hand a great chain. He seized the dragon, that ancient serpent, who is the devil, or Satan, and bound him for a thousand years. He threw him into the abussos, and locked and sealed it over him, to keep him from deceiving the ethnoi anymore until the thousand years were ended. After that, he must be set free for a short time. I saw thrones on which were seated those who had been given authority to judge. And I saw the souls of those who had been beheaded because of their testimony for Jesus and because of the word of God. They had not worshiped the beast or his image and had not received his mark on their foreheads or their hands. They came to life and reigned with Christ a thousand years. (The rest of the dead did not come to life until the thousand years were ended.) This is the first resurrection. Blessed and holy are those who have part in the first resurrection. The second death has no power over them, but they will be priests of God and of Christ and will reign with him for a thousand years. When the thousand years are over, Satan will be released from his prison and will go out to deceive the ethnoi in the four corners of the earth--Gog and Magog--to gather them for battle. In number they are like the sand on the seashore. They marched across the breadth of the earth and surrounded the camp of God's people, the city he loves. But fire came down from heaven and devoured them. And the devil, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet had been thrown. They will be tormented day and night for ever and ever.
I don't want to go into great detail of the amillenial view of this passage here. There are plenty of places on the 'net where that has been done for those who are interested. I just have a few observations concerning the terms ethnoi and abussos.
Although ethnoi is often translated nations in the New Testament, it is more often translated gentiles, because first century Jews most often used this term with the connotation of unclean nations. If we take the Revelation 20 passage to mean gentiles,, then the events of this passage seem to fall naturally at the beginnings of the church, when the gentiles who had walked in darkness were no longer deceived, but welcomed into a fullness that had previously been reserved for the Jewish nation. Also when I read this passage I can't help but be reminded of the events of Revelation 12 where the angel Michael made war against Satan and cast him down to the earth. Could the opening events of Revelation 20 be the same as the opening events of Revelation 12?
The problem is that in chapter 12 the dragon is cast down to earth, whereas in Revelation 20 he is cast into a place called the abussos. Certainly these are different?
Well, I'm not so sure- and this uncertainty is based partly on the creation story in Genesis. Both in chapters 12 and 20 the dragon is identified as "that old serpent." Abussos is often translated as deep, with the same meaning in Genesis when the Spirit (or wind or breath) of God was hovering (or blowing) over the face of the deep. Notice what an important part water plays in Revelation 12-14. The woman flees to the desert where she is safe. The dragon sends forth water from his mouth (blows, in other words) over the face of the earth. Then the dragon stands on the shore of the sea.
It is at this point that the infamous Revelation beast emerges- from the sea. I can't help but see here a parody of creation. In Genesis 1, God calls forth dry land to emerge from the deep (septuagint renders deep as abussos); and in Revelation 13 Satan calls forth an evil beast from the sea. This isn't the first time this beast is mentioned in Revelation; he is first mentioned in Revelation 11 as the beast that comes up from the abussos.
Wednesday, February 14th
Dad part III
Harold W. Kohn, age 86, died peacefully at home on Tuesday, Feb. 13, 2007. He was born in 1920 in Newark, N.J., the youngest son of Jacob and Ida Kohn. His siblings Leslie, Gertrude, and Rose preceded him in death. He graduated from the University of Michigan in 1943 with a B.S. in chemistry and from Syracuse University with a Ph.D. in 1953. He served in the U.S. Navy from 1944 to 1946 and in the Army National Guard from 1949 to 1953. His chief occupation was research chemistry at Oak Ridge National Laboratories from 1954 until 1973, and he also worked for the Ohio Environmental agency from 1973 until his retirement in 1986.
Dr. Kohn published or co-authored over fifty papers on scientific subjects, two dozen articles about chess, and six about music. He was an avid amateur musician and was noted principally for founding and directing Buskers Columbus, for which activity he was elected to the Ohio Senior Citizens Hall of Fame in 1992. With his wife Janet (AKA Ursula Medved, the performing bear) he performed at dozens of senior citizen facilities as well as numerous street fairs and similar festivals. “Hal the Piper” was a frequent busker at the Worthington and Clintonville farmer's markets. He also enjoyed playing bassoon, contra bassoon and string bass in several symphony and folk orchestras.
Dr. Kohn is survived by his wife, Janet, whom he married on April 24, 1957; children Frederick (Nancy), Marilyn, Andrew (Jeanne) of Pittsburgh PA and Matthew (Heather) of Columbia, SC; and grandchildren Anya, Jacob, Chad, Lex, Tavi, and Asa; and many friends.
A Celebration of Life service will be held on Saturday, March 3, 2007 at St. John’s Episcopal Church, Worthington (time to be announced later,) with inurnment at St. John’s Columbarium. Memorial contributions may be made to the Columbus Symphony Orchestra, Ballet Met, or Opera Columbus.
Thursday, February 8th
Dad part II
Things have been hard for me mainly because it seems that there is no routine anymore. Of course, we essentially moved in with mom and dad, so I should have expected change. I also expected that we would be up during the night, but I don't think my body did. This lack of regular routine has been more wearing than I expected.
Tuesday night was an unexpected blessing- dad slept all the way through. We attributed this to a new medication that he is getting. Unfortunately Wednesday night we were not so lucky. Dad woke up around midnight and seemed to be in more pain. We gave him first nitro and then morphine and he eventually went back to sleep- but Nancy was up until 2 A. M.
I guess that I had hoped that a new routine would be established quickly- like in the first week. This was a vain hope. We are trying to put a whole host of new things into place, but it's like trying to hit a moving target. As soon as we think we have one thing nailed, the situation changes. We get an electric wheelchair all lined up, only to find that dad wants it out of there- now. We get a portable commode in place only to have hospice tell us that it is too painful for him to use. Of course they are right. They recommend a bedpan, but it causes him too much pain. So we simply use disposable bed pads (chucks, they call them) and hope that he will poop again someday. Last night he made references to the necessity of unlocking the bottom drawer and unplugging that last plug- probably his way of visualizing his constipation.
Nancy has been amazing in this whole situation. She attributes this to a need to have control in a situation where everything is out of control. I dunno- I think it's more that she is much more level headed than any of the rest of us- certainly moreso than I.
I find myself thinking about and talking about nothing other than dad's situation. We had dinner with the Gordons last night, to "escape." I kept turning the conversation back to dad. "Dad said he was waiting for Godot, but Godot isn't coming. I wonder what that means?," I ask. "It's something by Arthur Miller," Matt answers.
I have it on good authority that God spoke Everything That Is into existance in six days. Perhaps that is why we as humans feel the need to fill empty space with words in the futile belief that we can change things with our words. But we are not gods.
Monday, February 5th
Dad
Dad came home last Wednesday, and Nancy and I decided to stay with him and mom until a care routine is established with which we feel comfortable. Otherwise, we will stay here indefinitely.
It's been a "little" rough. Dad has been in a very sour mood. His first day home he scraped his elbow badly trying to maneuver his electric wheelchair through a door. Since then he doesn't like the chair and wants it taken away. I can't say I blame him. His mood has been very sour, though we have found out that this is likely because he has been taken off of a drug called aracept (sp?) which nursing facilities give some patients to help with their moods.
Thursday at lunch I got a call from mom. "Harold is on the floor and I need help getting him up." When I arrived dad was calling O. S. U. and telling them he had some of their bassoon reeds and arrangements needed to be made to get them back to the university. Dad is fiercely independent and I can tell that his lack of mobility is very hard to deal with. He feels that everybody "is struggling" to do the things that he should be doing, but can't. I tell him again and again that it is a joy to take care of him. Does it help him? Would it help me if I were in his situation?
Saturday was the worst. Dad told mom and Nancy he was dying today and wanted to tell everybody goodbye. Nancy drove by the route to tell me this. and that he was refusing to eat. I said I would finish the bit of the route I was doing and then go see him, but I couldn't. I kept having these visions of my dying father calling my name while I was delivering bills and junk to virtual strangers. I feel like going outside and screaming for a million years and when I'm done, screaming for another million years. But when I arrived at the house dad was still combative, but didn't refuse food and drink when it was put in front of him.
Sunday seemed like a turn for the better. All of a sudden, dad's mood is much improved. (I wonder if he went through a withdrawal of sorts from the aracept and now will be fine mood wise.) Then last night we had to call the squad. Dad was telling Nancy to take the belt off of his chest. There was no belt; he was having chest pain. The squad gave him nitro and took him to Riverside. The initial tests indicate no heart attack, but they kept him overnight to recheck in the morning.
(to be continued)
|
