Saturday, March 26th
so you think your life sucks? guess again!
so today I found myself in a deep depression. actually it's largely because i was sick, and I'm not used to being sick. not used to it at all. fortunately my wife made me take some medicine and I'm better now. but before I got better i was delivering the mail and this guy put out yet another letter that didn't have a stamp, just some coins taped to it. this has happened a few times before and I've simply bought the appropriate postage and affixed it. But today I decided that enough was enough and rang the doorbell. when the guy didn't get to the door in the 10 seconds that I waited i stuffed the letter back down the slot and went on. Of course, he came to the door when I was already half way to the next house. I went back and explained to him that I didn't carry stamps- in order to get the stamps I'd have to go buy some- just like him. So he said that he could do that, but that he'd been in an accident where he had broken both legs and so it was hard for him to get out anymore. somewhat apologetically he explained that this was why his steps were in bad repair also.
wow.
So if I wasn't feeling depressed enough, now i got to feel like a total jerk for complaining about having to buy stamps for a guy that had broken both of his legs.
but at least i didn't complain about the steps.
Here i was walking around in a complete funk thinking about how much my life sucks and yet i have it so good.
Jeff Cannell the pastor man has suggested that i blog about life carrying the mail. I don't know if he had this in mind, but at least it's a start. When I started this blog, it was mainly to rant about politico-religio effluvia and it had a cathartic effect on me. now that I've got all THAT out of my system, i find i don't feel much like blogging. I just need to find a new blogging outlet I guess, and I suppose life at the post office is as good as any. life at the post office doesn't really excite me much (kind of a shame since I work there). I'm more into learning the ins and outs of home recording right now.
Sunday, March 13th
a turn for the better
I'd like to think that i made a turn of some kind in the past few weeks. i haven't really felt the need or the desire to blog- which is probably a good thing. i think i started this whole blogging thing as a way of venting my anger and dissappointment with the church and- yes, maybe with god. if he really is in charge, why would he let people abuse his name in for the sake of religion? this question just angered and confused me. :angry2:
so blogging has been rather cathartic for me in this regard.
in the past couple of weeks though, i haven't felt any desire or need to blog. instead i've had a renewed interest in getting some decent recordings of some of my old music done. i'm sure a lot of this has to do with getting some new software and new headphones. this, in turn, has renewed some old feelings of mylove of money (love of stuff) which hasn't felt very good.
i've found that even though i enjoy making music on my computer, i don't enjoy mixing it down very much. it's very frustrating- after working for what seems endlessly you have a mix that you think sounds pretty good! then you come back to it 24 hours later and after listening to it again you think: what in the WORLD was i thinking: this sounds like crap!
anyway i finally got a couple of mixes that i think aren't too bad (but not perfect yet):
Molly and Kalayo
Jake's Ladder
the prayer vigil this weekend was wonderful- i really felt god's presence in the 11am-12noon hour. unfortunately this seemed to kick up my gastritis which is something i haven't experienced in months and months. this has a lot to do with the fear of god.
mark's teaching on sunday helped explain this for me. i asked nancy today if she thought i was a man pleaser, and she said that she thought that i desired to please god, but i go about it as though i were pleasing a man. i'm very very much performance oriented- which is perhaps why i struggle so much with getting the "perfect" mix for my recordings. in the back of my head i know that it will never happen- my ears are much too damaged to ever get things exactly right. when i listen to music at high volumes my ears start whistling and i haven't a clue what is happening at the higher frequencies.
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